Friday, February 23, 2007

Summary of Life


GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibr e, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.

At age 35 success is . . having money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day. Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

Monday, February 05, 2007

Let Us Laugh and Smile Together (Lots of humor yet full of profound truths)

  1. Give God what's right-- not what's left.
  2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end-- God's way leads to an endless hope.
  3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
  4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
  5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma-- but never let him be the period.
  6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
  7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
  8. When praying, don't give God instructions-- just report for duty.
  9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
  10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.
  11. The church is prayer-conditioned.
  12. When God ordains, He sustains.
  13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
  14. Plan ahead-- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
  15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
  16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
  17. Exercise daily-- walk with the Lord.
  18. Never give the devil a ride-- he will always want to drive.
  19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
  20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
  21. He who angers you controls you.
  22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
  23. Give Satan an inch and he'll be a ruler.
  24. Be ye fishers of men-- you catch them and He'll clean them.
  25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
  26. Read the Bible-- It will scare the hell out of you.